There is a feeling of betrayal to self one feels at the failure to help. It consumes your core and keeps you lying awake at night. This has been me since a phone call I received in the wee hours of the night.
A frightened young lady in the company of a man whose intentions were anything but noble far away from help. A conversation around an intervention on return was met with a negative answer and I understood. Yes I did.
The thing with abuse is that there is usually a power dynamic to it. There is normally a hold over and in circumstances where the abuser is known, there is usually a feeling to protect even when harm has been done.
The challenge with this is that the guilt never leaves. And in a bid to rid one of it, it may evolve into an actual rabid relationship that only continues to scar the victim.
It is impossible to fully heal while still in the same environment as your abuser. Each day is a reminder of trust broken, and a race with yourself to ensure it doesn’t happen.
Protecting your abuser doesn’t help. It destroys you and only enables him go on to his next victim unchecked. And you will never forgive yourself knowing that you had the opportunity to stop him in his tracks.
I pray for you each day
I pray that you will have the strength to choose you over him
I pray that you will be the one who will stop him in his tracks by calling out his abuse because you have experienced it.
I can’t do it because I would need your permission to do it and for now, I don’t have it.